Living a Half-Life

There is a half dead tree in my neighborhood.

It’s been this way for years now.

It’s growth is stunted, and it only grows leaves on one side.  But it pushes along, doing what trees do.  Just being a tree.

It has always fascinated me…and it took me some time before I realized why.

I think most people live this way.   I know I do.  In many ways, I function really well.  I get up every morning, I go through the duties of the day, I create, I read, I interact with others. 

I function.  So does the tree.  The birds still use it for shelter amongst its branches.  Half the tree provides shade.  The leaves it grows nourishes the air with fresh oxygen.

But, in other ways, I am dead.  A strange death, for sure, one filled with what could be described as suspended living–frozen by fear, insecurity, guilt, lamenting the “should have beens” and the “what should be’s”.  Death by procrastination.  Death by inattention.  Death by numbing of myself with passive entertainment. 

 Death of spirit, of soul. 

Lack of joy, lack of peace.

This tree stares at me when I enter and leave my neighborhood.  It asks me the question,

“Are you fully alive?”

I think that in part, this is a spiritual disease.  I see it among believers.  We tend to be super grateful that Jesus saved us from Hell, we look forward to when every tear will be wiped from our eyes and there will be no more sorrow and pain.  Which is a good thing, don’t misunderstand.  But we, or at least I know I do, tend to gloss over all God taught about what he has enabled for us now.

Yes, he gives us eternal life. 

 But he also gives us…life.  Jesus said in John 10:10:  “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.”

I am struck by all the practical living Jesus talked about.   For example, Luke 12 describes the familiar conversation Jesus had with his disciples about worrying, pointing out the lilies of the field and the birds of the air.  But do I remember it, and apply it?

He promises us peace instead of worry.  (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.  John 14:27)  But do I grasp ahold of that and cling to it as I walk daily through this life?

How often to I claim these promises?  How often do I let them govern my thought life?  That I will have his strength (Phil. 4:13), his presence (Matt. 28:20), that he hears me (Ps. 91:15), that he will keep me (John 10:29), that he will guide me into all truth (John 16:13), and that I am truly loved (Eph. 3:19).

I know it is a work in progress.  But I also am promised:  “For I am confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Phil 1:6

Recently, in an art class, my instructor assigned us a “psychological self-portrait”.  Not a physical representation of ourselves, but a glimpse into the inner ‘us’.  I remembered the tree, and the connection I feel with it as a half living monument of what I need to cultivate within myself.

I have it hanging in my studio now, to prompt me.  It is my New Year’s resolution, of sorts.  To hold this image close to me, to rework my thought processes, to draw close to what I once knew and renew it yet again.

The image will shout out this familiar verse, that has become so familiar that I forget to envision my life if I truly claimed and practiced it:

“When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.” Gal. 5:22

On the days when the deadness is overwhelming, the image will call me to remember.  To review.  To look back.  To claim truth.

The truth that I have encouragement, hope and an anchor for my soul in Heb. 6:18, 19.  I have roots that run deep, I just need to tap into them.

I am promised freedom: 2 Cor. 3:17.  I have no bond in guilt:  Romans 8:30, Isaiah 43:25, Ps 103:12.  I have direction for my life: Isa 42:16.   I have his comfort: Isa 51:12, John 14:18.

These are just a few examples of all the richness that is offered in living the life Christ offers. 

Jesus said in John 15:11 “These things I have spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, that your joy might be full.”  He wants me to have joy in my life–not just my eternal life but my life today.  I look forward to a fresh year, a fresh decade, confident in God’s word and how it will apply to me in fresh ways.

And…

“He is faithful that promised.”  Heb. 10:23

Happy New Year, everyone!

 

~ by collidescopes on December 31, 2009.